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Friday, April 22, 2016

Friday Nights Gonna Be Allright


I'm sitting outside on the back deck, listening to birds and traffic, rehashing innocuous things I may have said to J., and having leftover Chinese and a bottle of beer.  I think I'm hearing robins and a cardinal and more.  The chickens are slowly making their way to the coop, and the cat keeps jumping into the air in attack/surprise mode.  There never seems to be any cause.  I have painted today, in preparation for painting tomorrow, and I am trying very hard to feel like a superpower in the world, instead of the one for whom all does not go well.  The fight is on for my self-esteem when I am alone, and I am frequently overwhelmed with aimlessness.  My hands are looking old, but it is color, and it is dirt, as I have gardened and planted and spread the possibility for growth, all around.

Aimless? Holy shit.  Are we all? Are some people really like heat-speaking missiles instead of roaming ones? I'm all over the freaking map.  It is truly disconcerting.

Today is Friday.  Legend has it that I am not supposed to post because no one reads on the weekend.  I do. A lot.

2 comments:

honest to mom said...

Kate, I recently discovered your blog and read back furiously. You are a kick-ass writer and I admire your vulnerability! Actually I have admired you since the time we met. Sorry to hear of you going through a really difficult time. My heart ached a lot reading...Love, love, love the writing and I find that I relate to so much and makes me feel not so alone. Struggles may vary in forms but we all have them. You speak to a ton of women just sharing your experience.

Kate Bowie said...

thanks so much, honest to mom, i wish i had more control over the amount of vulnerability lately, but no... and ... we've met?! holy smokes... fill me in...