Sunday, August 15, 2010

advice for the adventurers...

so. you think you'd like to go sailing? camping? bring the kids along?
let me give you some pointers that I have realized in the past two weeks.
1. make sure trucks don't break down at the grocery store before you go. make sure of this, as it is a bad starting off point and forces a long two mile walk in the sun before you even begin, giving the dog heat stroke.
2. make sure boat motors work, when asked to do so, so that you do not need to subsist on actual skill.
3. anchors need to sink deeply into mud, otherwise boats drift into other boats and you need to use your feet to avoid hideous damaged sinking things.

4. when camping, bring rain gear.
5. try not to alternate between terrors of... 'the baby is going to have hypothermia if he's cold and wet all night' and 'i'm going to smother him with the blankets.'  (envision, blankets on head, two minutes, blankets off head, two minutes.... and so on for HOURS)
5a. be willing to throw your children under the car to keep them dry. (i wasn't.)
6. don't forget to bring coffee  -don't forget to drink tea or water, so that the migraine which causes you to huddle in a ball in the middle of a tent will not arrive at all. at least six hours of huddle and vomit.

thats all, thats all i've got.
and I went to a high school reunion, which, although tiny and shorter than i thought, was well worth the crazy of the babysitting plan, which is entirely separate and just as nightmarish.
so . thats all. take my advice.
all of it.
i am your rockstar.
signing out.