Thursday, August 19, 2010
There is something in it which is an addiction, some hook beneath the skin which keeps us away from BEING more. more full, more Actually connected, more devoted to what IS.
On the camping trip, both men checked their messages, returned calls and booked appointments. I think there is something sort of terrible about that. Its expected of them... they expect it of themselves, but there is still something wrong with it, this ability to 'communicate' in the middle of the woods. Just because you can doesn't mean that you should.
I understand responsibility, in a painfully overwhelmingly parental sort of way. I understand feeling responsible for all the details, the hopes, the personality developing occasions, the feeding, the growth, the happiness, all of it. Understood. I also know, that as I age, and the kids do, that I need to adjust, quickly, an erroneous belief that I am actually responsible. I give them good love, a good childhood, and how they react to the wildness of life will be something that I am Not responsible for. I will react to those things as well, but will not be responsible... Its not good for me to be available all the time. I have to shift priorities.
Its not good for me to be 'hooked' into something so inorganic.
What happens if we just change our approach? We expect less from others? We don't need to order our pants at 3 in the morning because that means that somewhere someone has to be working to get the order... we don't need instantaneous cell phone connections because what the hell is so important? I don't need to have my phone on my body, or even in my car because if i were in trouble, 95 people on the highway would call the police as they drove past... help would arrive.
Maybe i should get a land line, with an answering machine, so I can just let loose when I leave the house, fly free without any hope of 'being reached'...
forget wifi. hot spots...
just forget it.
I'm going to start treating this writing spot as a second edit. I'm going native. real paper.
Posted by Kate Bowie at 1:16 PM