Friday, August 6, 2010


i feel like i am out of my body, the universe has gone sort of schizophrenic on me and I am still doing the same thing again and again and hoping for the change to happen without me in it, co-dependency being all the rage over here.
i've been writing in a journal, something kicked off by the 'vacation' but continued hereafter and i haven't kept one since i was in college, and i have never kept one for longer than a month.  i think that i bore myself.
my kids are growing, the 'baby' is talking and developing some serious two year old issues not the least of which is a fully functioning, independent of mine, system of wants and desires.  damn personality. here he climbs on top of the piano to make music. winner. (and he did make music up there, while his cousin actually used the keys...)
life experiences are being had. . . big ones and little fly in the ointment ones. . .
i'm thinking alot, which is nice, but i seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time putzing. . . sweating and putzing.  i do wonder if there is an actual definition for 'putz'. o, you out there? your kind of job. :)
i have a reunion coming up and while it is very strangely the eighteenth year since i graduated, i had been really looking forward to it for all of those 18 years, and now, as it approaches, i am not happy and contented like i always thought i would be, and like how i thought i just generally WAS.   how, then, to go? i know, i know, i could, of course, go for the thrill and satisfaction of seeing so many old friends, those whose lives intersected with mine and then flew off in such a wild pattern of spray.  i know.
i am sort of tired of observing, you see.
huh. whing, i am whining again.
damn it. 
huh. i am going to have to start editing out my whine. and that would involve a giant highlighting blitz on the laptop, which means no good. there are too many expenses as it is.
maybe i should just go and hope that someone is waiting in the wings like cusack, to flatter me senseless so i can go back into my life with a renewed sense of self-worth, based on high school.

do you think i should pin all my hopes on that? do you?
i'm still waiting for my damn voice to show up. me, too.


Owen A said...

I believe I was requested to provide a definition of "Putz"- uh- ok :

putz [ puts ] (plural putz·es)
1. unintelligent person: somebody regarded as very unintelligent and unpleasant ( informal insult )
2. offensive term: an offensive term for a penis ( slang )
[Early 20th century. < Yiddish potz "fool, penis"]

putz (pts)n.
1. Slang A fool; an idiot.
2. Vulgar Slang A penis.
intr.v. putzed, putz·ing, putz·es Slang
To behave in an idle manner; putter.
[Yiddish pots, penis, fool.]

3. Owen; whenever he is attempting to do anything remotely resembling housework

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