Saturday, August 7, 2010


the week with C in camp has flown by.  I have probably gained 4 or 5 pounds in nervous drivethru energy.  Who knows how many pounds the two year old has put on ... jayz. not to mention the downright stupid of too many mickey episodes. (mouse, you crazies. )
I did a lot less than I thought I would do, my god, the world of ease of just one kid.  the world!
It was hot. I kvetched. We made some drawings, sliced some tomatoes. . . fed the dog a few times. itched.
I spent much time here, on the computer, again.
One of the things that was nice about that vacation was its low tech lifestyle.  I wrote, but for a nonexistent audience.  One with no feedback option, although i did make my husband read it all, mostly, i think to check for lies or complete crazy misconception in type.  by lie, i mean overexaggeration or manipulation of the data.  I do like to think that my off the cuffness is at least some variety of true, for me.
But it was good, and it Was an adjustment, part of the reason i wrote there in the first place was that I have really gotten used to the exercise of it, the sensation of 'sending OUT' something.  starfish man again.
-It made me think a lot about how much we are all in touch with each other.  For instance, twitcher? twitter?
what for, twitter?  why in the world would i want to be so in touch, with you or anyone else? in such a generic fashion?  don't we all have enough of that?  I can't even process real live human beings that well, why do i want to become proficient at reading faster?
I thought maybe i could go for it if i had some sort of mentor, who upon walking in the woods discovered some illuminating insight (redundant?) into the world and just had HAD to share it immediately.  and here i would be, ready to receive the illumination... okay, i see that.  but why would i want john mayer 's tweets?
- i signed up to go to a meditation retreat, for a day. how do you like that? i have been trying to get up before everyone and sit for a few minutes without moving and without judging what goes through my mind, just letting it all flow through, noticing but not paying attention, if that makes sense. . .
if i dare to make coffee, someone arrives instantly, so i've needed something else to do, hence, meditation!!
coffee or inner solitude, sometimes the choice is unclear.
sometimes the little old lady who can't work the cellphone but knows how to knit and make pies is the better for it.

-all sorts of connections, J was away for an overnight sail and called on the cellphone .  that is crazy. on a sailboat anchored at Cuttyhunk.  on the phone.
too much.
be alone.