Friday, September 9, 2011

I did not win powerball.


I'm deciding not to write today about the fear and loneliness that I am about to feel putting my babylicious one in preschool for the first time here this afternoon.  fear. loneliness.
I'm not going to write about it.

I'm going to try a 'cleanse' this coming week, abstaining from dairy, wheat, caffeine ! owfucking hell caffeine! , and sugar.  I'm supposed to feel fantastic and chipper and all that.  hold your breath, babes, hold it tight. 
I've also signed up for a night/day writing workshop at the end of the month to get my ass to accept that [-at the very least, and i mean this literally-THE VERY LEAST-]  sometimes i like to write.
there you have it, assertiveness 101. 
I am trying trying. I think it is the fall and the desire to bundle up and lie down in a blanket pile that is making me a bit nervous to be alone with my bad self all winter.  have to get a focus, a 'thing' to do... things to be proud of, the inner motivation to get myself back into doing yoga... probably the extra layers of bodyfat have something to do with the desire to lie down in that blanket pile/nest. I've heard it said that stating your intentions aloud actually helps increase your chances of going through with the actions necessary... in type, and in voice I say:  I intend to be healthier. I intend to stop eating when I am not hungry.  I intend to exercise all by myself!
I WILL buy lottery tickets, because I see them as tangible pieces of HOPE. 


Nancy said...

you can't win, if you don't play.

Kate Hall said...


Mama Mama Quite Contrary said...

Powerball. Why didn't I think of that?