Monday, July 26, 2010

Vacation is...

much harder than I thought it should be. i made a lot of lists of good things, things I am proud of, things that are beautiful and good and right.
if 'right', 'beautiful', and 'good' exist at all. it all just IS, right?
yesterday I went to a woman's only 'sweat lodge'. (bear in mind that as I read what I type I actually stop to make 'quotation marks'... it is exhausting. heh. )
it was hot, really hot, and when I am in a sweat lodge, i cannot wear my glasses or my hearing aide, so I am effectively shut off from the world of communication, except that I can speak. and sweat. so, if you were there, and you were watching, i would be communicating 'i am hot' without working on it at all. sweat sings, sometimes.
There were three rounds with three different meditative points, the first: what do you want to be rid of, the second: what are you thankful for, the third: what do you hope for, it is the third that i feel most taken with.
I said aloud in the semi-dark hut:
I hope for more moments of grace, moments of being in-tune, content with what IS. I hope for more groups of laughing, smiling women. (men too, if they be around.) I hope for more 'dispersal' of self, less self-importance, and more recognition of my part in a whole.

I do hope for that, I am not even sure what it is. but it IS.
and I think it would be good.