Monday, July 4, 2011

Nervy Nervy

I was at many a cookout this weekend, of different sorts, with different branches of family but seemingly the same numbers of 'those to be avoided'.. I have to imagine that most families have this, the few and spectacularly odd cousins, uncles, whathaveyous, that somehow end up in the corners of the rooms, or the centers ... and around whom the crowd flows, a highspeed montage flickerflicker of the 80s... this weekend we were all on fullalert for the freaky.  and really? got none. it was completely tame, after all the innerprep/dread.  go figure.
I wonder if there are situations in the world in which I am the central, still target- and the world morphs and swingsways around me? If my inner world were made plain? perhaps everyone else would be making their dodge.  I know there are lots who feel this about their lives all the time, but I am not one of them.  A sideliner here, always, and fine with it, as age has allowed.
I ate hotdogs begrudgingly  and I slathered my burgers with guacamole and I am the better for it.
I was accompanied by a strange nervousness all weekend, like if I didn't have my eyes on all my peoples that someone would be cornered or end up pinned down by one of the oddities... and I tried to calm myself but spent an inordinate amount of time seeking my peeps.  I do believe I was doing an avoidance dance for myself in that hunt and peck.
I'm home now, sitting in all 'anew's... in a napping house, where everyone is sleeping, and we are home. ah. familiarly odd. slow and simple.