Friday, March 12, 2010

what i have decided... today anyhow.

this here, this right here... this is what I have made in the past two years. This writing, these photos, have kept me feeling like I am making something. I have created something. something outside of a to-do list, outside of sustenance for children and husbands... And that is what I have come up with in this internal debate about why to do it at all. In this past week wherein I have stopped looking to see 'who is reading' and spent a bit more time doing everything else in life, its been pretty nice... I've been using the things I've written about as jumping off points- they don't seem to be entirely self-sufficient entities all on their own, like those 'angel cards' of my teens... you flip one over and make it your thought for the day... say things like 'perserverence' and 'charity' and 'integrity' and so on... I loved them and Chakra Carol actually has them in her dr. room...

SO- i've been thinking about how Mother has been integrated into my self-identity (or at least, the process has begun in earnest) , how I do make lots and lots of things, how Humor is my baseline and how easy it is to forget to laugh...

I love intelligent people . and I know how little that has to do with time spent in school.

I love onions. still and always.

I love my body and the people who love my body. :)

I love fabric. soft fabric. I even like to say it... fabric. sounds german or swedish... yah?

I love my house and the colors it contains.

I care for people whom I have never met, genuinely. It is strange but true.

I love sleeping without children on my head, or nearby, or with no pee smell on the sheets, I love sleeping without vomit towels on the bed with me... I like sleeping for 10 minutes with the kids and then dropping their comatose little bodies somewhere else. . . ANYWHERE else.

and sometimes I even love the imperfectness of my perfect life. sometimes.


Viv said...

And I, LOVE this post! I'm reading. :)

Jen said...

Thank you. This is lovely. And, brilliant.
And lovely. Good for you, friend.

Amanda said...

This was a good one. Honest and true, and I think most of us can relate. Maybe except patricia in maynard ma who didn't like my column in Bay State Parent about advice to new moms because she said I made it sound awful. It is...sometimes.