Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I'm at 490 posts. . .

I really should get a hobby or something.

I wrote in my journal yesterday, and it had been just about a month since I had.  I can't tell you how much better I felt doing that, almost like I'd done yoga and meditated and completed the check off list in my head, my ever-shrinking head.... so little room in there these days, it is all full up with my own damn stuff and ceaseless chatter about that selfsame stuff.  sheesh.  even I am bored, irritated with the chittering mind I've got. 

BUT I LOVED IT.  I had a really good quiet couple of days after this weekend of party and sleeping over and I had a good day and I even had the werewithal to push through the crapulent evening and not let it ruin how I felt about my day, and that is something new.  Not letting the 3 hour pre-bedtime routine/night ruin a whole 24-48 hour period? It is something I am learning, something that is slowly, oh so slowly, changing for me.  I have been breathing, pushing off the negative stuff, literally sometimes, but trying to maintain my own space and my own balance and hold on what I feel authentically and less of what I am reacting to... does that make any sense? I am not sure either.  Let me read it again, and edit somewhere.

oh well. good luck with that. Today and yesterday here have been grey and wet and chilly in the house and we have fired up the stove, tucked in to legos and books and just stayed in.  Its been wonderful.  My six was home Monday and now off to school and the three-four-in-a-month goes off this afternoon and I have to go dress shopping for a newyork city wedding !  They got married last weekend at City Hall but shis Sunday night is their Celebration.  I'll be away Two nights, their party is on a Sunday night. hello. yes, Sunday night for the childless or the workless or the extremely local, is no problem.  I am going to pretend wicked hard, that I am childless and jobless and local.  But I certainly have to have a new dress, one that makes me look like Sarah Jessica.  because that is real, and I always want to be real.  always.
O, I am off to buy Manalo blahblahs too.  because walking in something like that would be no problem for me. none.

check you later, honkies. ;)