Friday, November 18, 2011

Stubby nose...

Getting a cold right now is NOT lack, I'm telling you. 
Its a sign that my aged/decrepit body can't handle the amount of forward-thinking worry for my kids that I'm carrying.  I am being told by the God within... that I must chill out and go lie down somewhere.  MUST.

Past weekend was a doozy, but the biggest deal was really the three-almost-four deciding that he didn't want to stay in the house with his grandmother, but wanted to run across the very busy country road, run 100 yards down the same road crossing the street to find us all in the woods, all whilst barefoot and sweaterless, in November, in New England.  Granted, there are paths, and granted, we have walked the paths together about TWICE, so ... there is that. Luckily, he was terrorized by his own fears and so when he came running at us, out of the woods, barefoot and muddy and crying, the terror on his face made me fall to my knees and have a bare, fleeting thought that maybe he wouldn't do it again. he says he saw an animal.  could've been anything, but we have lots of coyotes. at the end of the woods there is also the policemen's shooting range. big big guns.

He's 3. ever tried to stop a 3 year old from doing something, when you're not even there?

I have been counseling myself away from thinking about it all week, but here it is... I got a reminder of how fleeting and tentative life is, and how such a normal thing could also be a tragic terrifying thing. . . and not only do I not want that reminder, but I can't process it and have to let it go.  I think it'll freeze me right up, as productive as my nose. so, as I approach my full week of everpresent anxiety, I'm shutting the light off. I fully admit that I can't think about it for another second.
so there.