Friday, February 17, 2012

The cats are on the table

and I'm going to write anyhow.
so be it.
I went to see Chakra Carol, the therapist with the magic hands... like jazz hands only quiet and contemplative and full of very good love.   It was my Valentine's gift of love to myself, and i realized that my difficulties with Valentine's DO stem from ridiculous teenaged girl fantasies of what romance is, can be, 'should' be... and perhaps my difficulties stem from the ridiculousness of my own heart and its struggles with releasing its tight-fisted grip on the love within.  some might even call it walnut heart, which should probably become a category i write under.  perhaps.
I think my stance on Valentine's is fine, really, but wonder if the whole ' I refuse this day of manufactured candybuying crazy' might stem from a larger refusal than I first believe.  perhaps.
the cats are on the table, something just fell. hold on. i left the iron on. thank HEaven for the cats! holy smokes! (could have been)
what was i saying?

so anyhow, love.. and all that. i am done talking about it.  I've got some work to do on it still and i'm not feeling very 'funny' today.  the sideways glances at the hilarity of life aren't cutting it.  the night before last i didn't sleep at all and last night it was upset sleep, and was no good... hubsJ even let me have the whole bed so to ensure I got my sleep back! but no.  oh well. its Friday. only one has to go to school, the preschooler can watch television or build legos and I can figure out what to do with what my heart IS telling me.  because this morning, it is shouting.

loud damn walnut.