Monday, October 3, 2011

New Day

I don't' know why the post is called this, maybe i'll find out as I write, what made my fingers have hope when the rest of me is so bummed.  Just had a night with a wonderful couple of friends that made me laugh and now makes me long for so much more time. . . downright bereft is how I feel.
what i did do this week:
I did do some yoga, tried some kundalini and found myself laughing at the breathing and the new to me moves.  felt good in the body but I think I made my three year old laugh while breathing 'like a monkey' as he described it.  He was happy to have me sitting down for so long though. a good way to do yoga yesterday. . .
I did do the writing that I wanted to do, but not here and this one here is going to be a freeflow spirited away kind of blogblah entry. so there. and it will count towards my new week of intention.  it is how I handle bereft, i guess. like telling embarassing secrets just to get them off the skin. 
I did do the meditation that I wanted to do and I am counting all of the unnumbered minutes of our second family trip to the Quaker Meeting ... its just so quiet there and the congregation tiny and the space so big and simple in the most intimate of ways. I am happy to be there and daunted that as part of such a small community, there may be something expected of me... and therein lies the evil bitchy inner voice which fears and yells about expectations of me AND as I am practicing my utter disdain for said voice, I am going to just ignore it until I can let it wash through and go on its merry way. but it is not working for right now. maybe as the day progresses. 
I am glad to be getting them into a community that will enlarge as they get older, it will be good to give them this. and maybe they'll get comfortable talking to god. man, i couldn't wish that any more for them. 
So , I did accomplish a task, and maybe by lunch i will figure out something that I can do today to make me feel proud.  I would like to feel a stronger sense of worth, to look at what I 'do' and value it .  My kids are good, but they are creations of God at this point, and I"m just providing a good habitat and food.  they get good stuff here and they are good kids. so there is that.
and I just don't know what else to say, but that I am going forward, looking into the next week with a new and refreshingly similar list of things I would like to do:
3 times a week, 10 minute writes.
2 times a week, 10 minute sits.
and I'd like to add that I'd like to do 2 times a week yogas and 2 times a week, planned veggie meals.
just small steps here.