Monday, January 25, 2010

helpful helpful hippo

i've eaten so much today i couldn't even type 'hungry' without feeling guilt. in the morning, i go to visit my first kindergarten classroom in hopes of finding out what my son's future will look like.
heavy, right?
so ridiculous! dude. i am crazed with headache again and don't know what for... except maybe a tooth infection on its way to my brain and so if i don't write for a few days somebody should notify my next of kin. really.

anyhow. our kid will most likely go to public school around the corner but i'm looking tomorrow at a charter school nearby. the other anal parents around me have done this about a year ago so suddenly i'm feeling sort of rushed and wasn't really expecting an appt so soon after calling this morning and while weeks and weeks go by wherein I have absolutley nothing to do- suddenly this week is packed and i'm losing my throbbing mind.

the whole point of this post was to talk about what i do feel to be helpful about the byron katie thing and that is this: it didn't happen the way you think it did.
as a broad brushstroke against the insanity of our own memories, i've been finding it very helpful. that girl i was horribly mean to in high school? it didn't happen the way i think it did.
(probably did. i was a horrid bitch.) but because i don't know her or who she was then, or how she felt or how much she heard, i really don't know anything about that situation, so i should just stop thinking of it. (facebook has been bringing up a lot of things i had forgotten entirely about lately)
it didn't happen the way you think it did.
old boyfriend jason was a hotass mofo who treated me like crap. it didn't happen the way you think it did means, maybe he didn't... maybe i was ready to move on and chose to interpret things like i did. maybe i remember it wrong.. perhaps i jumped to a wrong conclusion because i wanted to...
that friend who betrayed me?
maybe i remember it wrong...

it didn't happen the way you think it did.
in memory, you can change it to what you'd like it to be, its all fantasy anyhow... glowing orbs in the past and so on... what were you wearing? what was the weather like? what'd you do afterwards? things have changed since then.
anyhow. thats what i think is helpful... inserting maybes into my memories, allowing some flexibility to jump on in to things that don't really exist anymore.
so there.


Viv said...

Sometimes you floor me. You have no idea how much I identify with so much that you write! I too have been thrown back into the midst of high school via FaceBook as of late and wondering WTF about it.

You rock.

D&d said...

I love this interpretation of the past! really. thanks for bringing the concept back to my mind. so beautiful. so forgiving.