Thursday, February 25, 2010


Anywho... here I am on the motherload... I'm out of my mind bored but also sort of swelling at the seams and must need to rip a seam somewhere, tear the threads off their treads.

this is where I am on the mother road: silent e is a ninja... as performed on the new electric company... can't get it out of my head... will probably die when I am eighty-two, humming 'silent e is a ninja'...

SO. We all have mothers, presumably... technically, right?

I've been on the tip of a sickness iceberg now for f'in ever... and I am looking for one... a mother. my husband is doing wonderfully, especially with his own wobbly health this week, but he is just not good enough. He's got an extra part. (my tone is weird as I write this so forgive me ahead of time if it is nonsensical) In my life, there have been so many of them.. women I have chosen, found, lived with.. who have played that mother role for me, taken on the compassion, selflessness package when called to do so- or when Not called to do so... and I've even done that for others in the same situations. Some of them were the mothers of my friends, even a teacher who became my motherinlaw eventually. Lots. It seems to involve straight talk, a willingness to ask an ugly question or two and an openness to have the reactions be what they are. I was accused by a frenemy when I was in college of being too mothery.. and I was, but now I look at that a lot differently, obviously. college was not a wonderful time for me. oh well.

who have you chosen? who'd you look to when you were a kid? there is a technical and then there is the grown, the most-often tended to , the mother-other.


Jen said...

Congratulations on getting everyone settled. We have double ear infection at this house and 2 big kids who have decided school is no longer interesting. Fuck me! Seriously? I said to Mr. Handsome that I feel like some kind of ghost creature who is just here to keep everyone afloat, that I have no identity. He poured me another drink. Good man. Glad you are coming out of your sicky, sick. Take care of yourself.

Still Life With Coffee said...

Oh.. it is crazy how i still need my own mother. Especially when I am sick. My husband has a huge mothering gene and that is one of the reasons I love him. I am also drawn to woman who I feel safe and comfortable with and who I know would help me in a pinch.
Thank you for visiting my blog... so nice to meet you as well.