Monday, June 21, 2010
my birthday is coming. its like the 'goose is getting hot, please put a penny in the old man's hat'....
thats what i'm humming, its better than muttering 'red rum' all day. Its Friday, my birthday, it used to be such a big thing for me, bigger than thanksgiving feasting even, a glorious week of special events leading up to, surrounding... I had friends making up songs for me, delivering gifts, buying drinks, making cards, and now I just say 'eh' to the whole thing. It doesn't so much have to do with age for me, its more like my kid turns five less than a week after my day, its wicked hot, i've got all this crud to do all the time, and i have just lost the feeling for celebrating myself.
It has been occurring to me lately, to wonder where exactly my opinion of myself is bubbling up from. I surely do not believe in my own worth. When someone compliments me, for instance, I think they want something. or are lying for their own betterment, or are 'just THAT type'...
J has been getting exasperated with me, when I turn down dinner invitations because they must want something... or for the difficulty it makes in my ruttish routine with the kids. . .
so. this year, my own bad self gets to go see Chakra Carol on her very bad self's birthday... so keep your fingers crossed, your breath held... what have you. we will see what is coming down the pike, we will, we will.
Posted by Kate Bowie at 4:06 PM