Friday, December 11, 2009

old timer

today was my day to spend in the four year old classroom... love it, glad i don't have to do it for my job anymore and even more glad that i am not the mom to all those kids - just my own small blond hysteric.
but my favorite little girl in the class (and I mean it, she's my favorite... not all are created alike and i am not saying anythingabout all the others but man, she is so damn different and wildlyoriginal its hard to imagine she'll ever be a barbie and that makes me so so happy. ) anyh0ow, miss f. was listening to the teachers story about st. lucia day and how the oldest girl children in the family are responsible for wearing this cool candle headgear and she was upset a bit and kept saying 'I am not Ooold' ... for she is the oldest girl in her family...

and so now I am going to say it, because I think I'd like to be her someday... I am not old. I do not have a thickening middle. I do not cry during yoga. I do not cry on the inside of my face in order to hide from my children my complete emotional wreck self. I do not and I am not old.

I am not.
and there are some days I really buy it, but I think I need to swing to the positive and I am just feeling today and this week as if my feet are on shifting sands and my inability to get a firm foothold is wrecking my armswide float... too many analogies? or maybe i've just made a mistake. firm footholds and catching breezes are not necessarily on the same page of my thesaurus. perhaps I want to wear shoes this winter and someone has knocked off my clog. That bare nugget out there is getting cold and I wish I could get him to put my shoe back where it belongs.
Life is what it is, and ever changing and I want to think its perfect as it is, but I am not there. My toes are cold and I want coverage. ya dig?