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Monday, December 7, 2009

so sorry

everything around here is so sorry lately. the strain is freaking unbearable. This marriage relationship is private, deeply private but it is leeching out like a bad dye job, which makes sense to me as its such a big part of my life. . but I am tired and home is where the heart is and all that. *I'm not a very nice person when it comes right down to it, I think. what used to be attractive in all that wit and reparte is just not attractive anymore.

but! silver lining is that babyboy#2 had his ears checked today and he got the all clear. and i am so relieved that I want to vomit all over the place. really.(it is worthy of a large cosmic smile) I can't tell you how much it will kill me if I have passed something on to them that is like what I have . . . I am supposed to be their protector, as C says...
*and I need to call Carol, again...
i need a resting place. no kids and no husband and since yoga has started to make me cry, and I want to stop smoking, I'm not sure where to go for it. or how to take care of myself in a more meaningful and sustaining way.

1 comments:

Mama Zen said...

I know what you mean about needing a resting place. I haven't found mine, either.