Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Gah, more awkward pauses.

SOMEtimes, the awkward pauses are in the house.  Its true.  Its not just the everlovin' battle that I have to not be a complete dork/loser with strangers, but sometimes it is here, on the homefront.  It is the worst, fucking literally heartbreaking.  My confidence is down, my throat hurts, I am all fidgety and flaky and lo and behold, I don't communicate well, and my long simmering resentments and other marital fidelities raise their pretty little venomous heads.  and it really sucks.  and it doesn't seem to help to recognize them, or to realize that they do not originate on my side of the fence (this time)... its a ride, an ugly twisted too fast ride that you don't tell anyone about when you get off, you just move away and don't choose that path again.. if you can help it... which, of course, I cannot.
and that, is marriage, day 9034. (random number, no genious here, thanks)...
when i very firstly posted, it was also about marriage and which would be more difficult, marriage or motherhood? still on the fence about it.  if you do them and suffer no slings and arrows, they keep going on and on forever. FOREVER.

AND... the pile of candy wrappers stashed behind the laptop screen is not going to help me when I hit the witching hour this afternoon.  no. literally Houston, we have a problem.  We're not going to make it, Captain. 

-Huh, this posting every day thing will be nice for me.  Not so sure about how it'll be for you, though...


The D said...

Look how close your "random" number was to 10,000!
I, too, am using that candy to fill my soul. (It is not working)
Go work your over the knee socks. At least then you will feel sexy.

Valerie said...

to me, being married is harder...and i have a good husband. hmm, maybe it's me.