Sunday, November 8, 2009

sharing exposure as a sub-urban stay at home mom

so husband met Chakra Carol this morning. and i wasn't there, and I feel sort of bereft that the one thing that is mine is now shared. and I think it is lame of me, and irrational and its not as if I don't like my husband (although that does sometimes happen) but geez. I DON'T WANT TO SHARE MY CHAKRA CAAAROL.

ITs part of the larger issue of the lameness crisis I've found myself in. I went to do a completely rocking photo shoot as a birthday present for said hubby. I love him, I do. but I ALSO thought the photo shoot would make me feel like a rockstar . and it did far quite the opposite.

first of all, there were two other women there, a tiny slip of a latina goddess, and an ACTUAL derby girl. a fucking derby girl. seriously. a rollerderby girl. fishnets and tallness and all.

and then me.

between the two raging extremes of womanhood, i may as well have been wearing a sweaterset and pearls.
lets just say i lost my mojo...

And, secondly, I am not a natural in front of the camera... no. who knew? I thought I looked like my mother at first glance, and this was not a rockstar inducing moment. (my mom is fine-looking, but nobody wants to look like their mother, especially when trying to pose for their husband, ok?)
thirdly, what I thought was the cost of the whole thing was just a deposit and I owed another TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS at the the end of the wierd lameduck experience. AH.
I had to run home and transfer money around just to not bounce a check. go ahead, add to the joy.
who am i ? when do i become a roller derby girl? If I get knocked on the head its possible that I lose my ears again, and so I could never do it. not worth the risk just to have some fun. right? i mean, i know it. but i feel old for my fear, and my acknowledgement of risk and
but! never fear. i will show the appropriate pictures when I see them, as I am the sort who has to talk publicly about things I am embarassed about... I can't abide the secrecy. so there.